I had a lesson with a student of mine. I’ve mentioned him before. I’ve had a dream about him even, and he is young. He just turned 19. I’ve been tutoring him since he was 10… yeah 9 years… man that makes me feel old. He isn’t someone I see constantly now. I only see him during high stress periods at school when he needs some exam prep. But his presence drives me crazy. It must be his “fuck-all” attitude, and his nonchalantness that gets to me. While trying to concentrate on his exam topic my mind kept wandering to what would happen if I kissed him…. ok, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a pedophile, I’d never do it. But I was honestly wondering how he’d react. Would he push me off, latch on and kiss harder, feel me up, or just back off and laugh it off?
Anyhow I had a dumb grin on my face at one point, while looking at him. It was that proud parent grin, thinking how amazing it is to see him get so much older and cooler. I wanted to grab his cheek type of feeling… I didn’t… I’m not that kind of person.
It’s a strange duality, those sensations. Having that older sister approach to it and my hormonal excitement when I see him. Can’t quite figure that one out.
So I walked past what I’d quite confidently call an Emo shop this afternoon. There’s only one in town. Owned by a dreadlocked black guy and a bunch of emo kids work there. There was a girl this afternoon wearing black sheer nylons, and a black tube dress that didn’t really even cover her crotch. She was young, must have been around 17 or so, maybe younger, it’s hard to tell. She was wearing a lot of makeup.
I was kinda horrified and envious at the same time. I sometimes wish I had the courage to do that. But at the same time I thought… wow that’s totally inappropriate.
Anyhow, props to her for being so courageous.
Ironic, I just posted, on one of my other blogs, about having “thoughts” that you wouldn’t act on–they’re just kinda in your head.
I’ve told my husband that it’s those who don’t voice these thoughts that you have to worry about, because they just might act on them impulsively, whereas those of us who do voice them won’t act on them. (gosh, I hope that makes sense).
What do you think?
Hi Pamela. That absolutely makes sense… But there are a lot of things that I think about doing, wouldn’t talk about, but would never do. But voicing my thoughts often does put things into perspective and generally helps me realise how much of a bad idea they are.