A few months ago my very good friend asked me to be her maid-of-honor. I answered cheerfully, “Of course. I’m so happy for you and Groom.” But secretly I was horrified. Why on earth would you choose me for your bridesmaid? I didn’t even have a wedding! (We eloped on the beach – $450 WeddingsToGo.com)
I know there are women out there who just love weddings, but I have never gotten my head around it. What a colossal waste of money. Put a down-payment on a house. Or ANYTHING ELSE. But, I guess some people have big normal families who want to celebrate and share their joy or something. Anyway, last week-end I traveled half-way across the country for the wedding. I foolishly thought that since my friend is pretty laid-back the wedding wouldn’t be a huge stressful thing. Ha! She may be laid-back, but her mama ain’t. And Mom wanted all the bells and whistles. At least my friend drew the line at matching dresses. She told us to wear whatever kind of black dress we wanted (it was an evening wedding).
This is what irritates me about weddings in general. Sure, the parents paid for most of it (since they’re the ones who wanted it) but the bride’s and groom’s friends had to spend a lot of money too – on air travel, hotels, hen party, group mani-pedi at inflated spa prices, gifts, food, drink, etc. etc. etc. I probably spent close to $1000. My Man and I spent more than more than that on a wedding we attended last summer (I let him off the hook this time, awesome wife that I am). We are categorically refusing to attend any non-local weddings next summer so that we can actually take a freaking vacation for FUN. And I DONE being a bridesmaid. Sorry other friends who may someday get married. I’m 37 for crying out loud. And I’m married! Doesn’t that disqualify me from being a maiden?
Just so I don’t sound like a total bitch, I will say the wedding was very nice. The Bride and Groom are totally in love and the ceremony was tailored to their unique personalities. And I had a good time hanging out with friends I haven’t seen in awhile.
It’s been over a decade since I was in a wedding. There was one in college for an Baptist friend. There was no dancing or alcohol and although I had to wear a big stupid turquoise dress, there wasn’t really much else except a religious ceremony and buffet dinner. Before that I was in a wedding in high school for a friend who got knocked up. That was a small and hasty affair, although still with a poofy turquoise dress. The point is, I didn’t realize all that was expected of me. Apparently I’m supposed to write a touching toast. Agh! I spent 36 hours panicking about that, but managed to came up with something nice (at least that’s what people told me).
Worst of all, the night before the wedding I realized that in addition to a regular gift from Both of Us to Both of You, I was supposed to have a Bridesmaid Gift. Fuck! Fortunately I had abandoned the group after the rehearsal dinner in favor of hanging out with a friend from a different circle. She knew just the place to buy a gift at 11pm on a Sunday.
I think I did well. The Groom gave me a sly thumbs up.